I never believed in the tradition/custom that if someone dies, you have to whisper to his ear and tell him your wishes... your prayers... believing that he will take it with him as he leaves the earth... And wherever he'll go, he'll take it with him...
I don't know what got into me that i suddenly thought of it. One of our patients expired this morning and while my friend and I were doing the post-mortem care, we joked about it... but deep inside we both knew there was some desperate need inside of us to take away both of our pains and frustrations, our heartaches especially. So I told her, "let's whisper to her.." She smiled, but I knew right and there, we both wanted to believe... even just this one time.... for our relief, for our healing.... Natawa ako, sabi niya, "sige, ikaw muna....". (I laughed for she said, “okay, you first”.) I did... And I knew she did it too.
"Linda, please take my feelings away with you... bring it with you..."
I don't know if this is true. What I know is that I need badly to let go of what I feel for him. I never thought letting go is this difficult, so hard that you tried to hold on to something that cannot be there, probably will never be there.... and this causes you so much pain. "been there", "done that"... yeah, maybe... A patient of mine who has cancer told me, "I don't know. I have this pain for a long time, yet i never get used to it." I held her hand and said, "I guess we'll never get use to pain...." Maybe we meant two different things but...
I haven't written for a long time. My personal articles used to be products of my experiences, my emotions... but I couldn't believe I'm writing right now... maybe i haven't felt this way for a long time.... not until the last few months… not until certain choices were made...
My whisper to Linda was not just a tradition. What went with it was my prayer to the One above... because with each moment, whatever way, I know HE listens...
I don't know what got into me that i suddenly thought of it. One of our patients expired this morning and while my friend and I were doing the post-mortem care, we joked about it... but deep inside we both knew there was some desperate need inside of us to take away both of our pains and frustrations, our heartaches especially. So I told her, "let's whisper to her.." She smiled, but I knew right and there, we both wanted to believe... even just this one time.... for our relief, for our healing.... Natawa ako, sabi niya, "sige, ikaw muna....". (I laughed for she said, “okay, you first”.) I did... And I knew she did it too."Linda, please take my feelings away with you... bring it with you..."
I don't know if this is true. What I know is that I need badly to let go of what I feel for him. I never thought letting go is this difficult, so hard that you tried to hold on to something that cannot be there, probably will never be there.... and this causes you so much pain. "been there", "done that"... yeah, maybe... A patient of mine who has cancer told me, "I don't know. I have this pain for a long time, yet i never get used to it." I held her hand and said, "I guess we'll never get use to pain...." Maybe we meant two different things but...
I haven't written for a long time. My personal articles used to be products of my experiences, my emotions... but I couldn't believe I'm writing right now... maybe i haven't felt this way for a long time.... not until the last few months… not until certain choices were made...
My whisper to Linda was not just a tradition. What went with it was my prayer to the One above... because with each moment, whatever way, I know HE listens...
1 comment:
Ive known you for a long time and admired how you always shared your thoughts and feelings to your friends. keep it up!! i miss you my friend.rachel:)
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