you have probably heard from radio, from friends, read in books, or seen in movies or TV specials. But I didn’t know the feeling until I’ve realized that the “story” lead me in losing two special people in my life. “Ang sakit siguro”(Painful , probably), I said before. Ouch! Masakit pala talaga!(It is painful!)He’s been my “childhood love”, the prince in my fairy tale story. I’ve learned with him what was crush means, how love can make you feel. For more that half of my life, he’s been the “leading man” of the movie in my mind.
We’ve seen each other, lost each other – on, then off, and then on again. I couldn’t remember how many times we reconciled. He got involved with somebody else. I, myself, had some too. But maybe because of the fact that the “love” grew up with us, there was always that feeling of being a part of each other’s heart that kept us going back to each other’s arms. Ewan ko ba…
She’d been a friend for a long time. I don’t know how it happened but we got close in just a snap – opening ourselves to each other. Our friendship was not the type which developed because of togetherness (I mean, going out together or having the same gimmicks). In fact, we were always apart. We were miles away from each other a year after we’ve met. She has her own set of friends and I had mine. We never had the chance to be together for one whole day, just like the usual friends do. Wasn’t able to shop together or mall around, or had that long chat on the phone. But OURS had been a living proof of how can communication bridge a gap. The friendship just developed through letters, and e-mails for the later part. They said I was the “martyr” in the friendship. She was always the cause of coldness or misunderstanding. I couldn’t remember a letter from her without “sorry”. At least, she would always admit it was her fault. And of course, I would always say, “it’s okay”. As I’ve said, she’s special. Our friendship is special.
But as they say, some things just happen in the most unexpected way. Because “he” whom I’ve loved then for so long, and “she” whom I’ve cherished so much as a friend are the ones together now. It’s a short story to tell and explain… but painful enough for me to go back with the memories and remember. But I guess, their story is not for me to tell. I’m writing for the sake of what is left inside my heart.
I didn’t feel any anger nor hatred for them. A hypocrite? No, I’m not. I didn’t feel anger. I felt and still feel deep sadness because from the moment I’ve heard and confirmed about their story, I knew I didn’t just lose one, I’ve lost TWO. Long time ago, I’ve accepted the fact that he and I can never be “us” again. So many times we tried but we always failed. And when we moved on, we realized our paths went to separate ways. The next thing I wanted to happen between us was to be friends. But with this situation, ‘think it’s possible?
And she? From the time I came back, I dreamt of her thrice already. In my dreams, she was always there with that sad look on her face… as if saying “sorry, again..”. Is this what she wants to relay to me now? People around always tell me, “She’s not worth it”… “He’s not worth it”… “They’re not worth it”. Sometimes, I wanted to believe them… or maybe I was just hurt.
But whose fault was it, anyway? Nobody can teach one who to love and whom to give back that love. It just happened that my ex-boyfriend fell in love with my good friend…
And where am I in the picture? I’m not there. I’m here praying for their happiness, wishing them good luck, and hoping that one day, we can share the same laughter again. Oh, impossible? If not, I hope, even an exchange of smiles will do. Someday…
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