Empty

Walking to a vast emptiness
Clouded by the random images
Stepping to floating rubble
One miss and I'll surely fall

Crowded with blur faces
Faces with same expressions
Blank and unwilling
I'll surely melt with their stare

I'm in the end of a lightning
Faded white...a rippled spark
That strike lit me.
And turned me into gray ash

A voice told me
That I have to be lost
In order to find myself
And that kept me wandering alone.

The One

How I wish I am the one
The one that makes you whole
I wish that you can love me
I know I'm such a fool

You can't love me
Because I'm me
If only I can change
But I can't.. you see...

How I wish I'm born again
And be the one you'll treasure
I'm just someone no one will miss
I don't want to be ignored like this.

I'm just a nobody
A nobody that loves you
But you will never see me
As I see you

If only I can find someone
Who will love me as me
The one that will pick up the pieces
And show me what I can be...

Time Flies

Time flew... yes indeed, time flew.

Wish I could fly, too. Then I would fly away from here. But where would I go? Ok, I'll just stay put. But why will I stay put if I can fly? But then again, I CANT fly...

Am I making sense? Guess not... so I'm really flying out of here! I'll spread my wings and feel the wind in my face... cool and liberating, that's what flying would feel. Ought to feel... would probably feel.. well, I will never know, won't I? Because I cant fly!

The Endless Line

I'm in a path that never ends.
A road i walk with humps and bends.
How I wish I could skip a turn.
But tomorrow I'll still see the burn.

Yes, It's been a while
Stepping in this endless line.
Pointless as it may seem.
Thinking of what could have been....

Whisper

I never believed in the tradition/custom that if someone dies, you have to whisper to his ear and tell him your wishes... your prayers... believing that he will take it with him as he leaves the earth... And wherever he'll go, he'll take it with him...

I don't know what got into me that i suddenly thought of it. One of our patients expired this morning and while my friend and I were doing the post-mortem care, we joked about it... but deep inside we both knew there was some desperate need inside of us to take away both of our pains and frustrations, our heartaches especially. So I told her, "let's whisper to her.." She smiled, but I knew right and there, we both wanted to believe... even just this one time.... for our relief, for our healing.... Natawa ako, sabi niya, "sige, ikaw muna....". (I laughed for she said, “okay, you first”.) I did... And I knew she did it too.

"Linda, please take my feelings away with you... bring it with you..."

I don't know if this is true. What I know is that I need badly to let go of what I feel for him. I never thought letting go is this difficult, so hard that you tried to hold on to something that cannot be there, probably will never be there.... and this causes you so much pain. "been there", "done that"... yeah, maybe... A patient of mine who has cancer told me, "I don't know. I have this pain for a long time, yet i never get used to it." I held her hand and said, "I guess we'll never get use to pain...." Maybe we meant two different things but...

I haven't written for a long time. My personal articles used to be products of my experiences, my emotions... but I couldn't believe I'm writing right now... maybe i haven't felt this way for a long time.... not until the last few months… not until certain choices were made...

My whisper to Linda was not just a tradition. What went with it was my prayer to the One above... because with each moment, whatever way, I know HE listens...

Let's Fly

You gave me wings
For me to fly
Oh, Let me be
Your glittering star

You made me complete
And I want you to believe
You made me reach higher
Than I ever could achieve

But now it's time
To set you free
If it is our fate
So let it be

Let's fly for tomorrow
And forget the pain
There is so much to lose
But there's much more to gain

Just remember the memories
That came along our way
And don't ever forget
That I will always be there.

Birthday Wish by Marga Reodica

The days that passed have been tough,
Trying to live one day at a time,
No thoughts of tomorrow, no plans,
Each moment a difficult task,
Each day a prayer.
Decisions were made, the past to forget
No regrets, I have to say,
Forgiveness had been asked and given
The lowest point of life to take,
The weakness and the loneliness to face.

A step forward a day,
Yet alone with God is the best reward to have.
On the “big” day which HE still gives me,
Thanking Him for the chance of wishes,
Which in my prayers these I include.
I wish I can still enjoy the people around me
Who in the past till now have given such comfort,
Whether far or near, they think of my wellness,
Guide me through it all….
“family” -- we named them…
With a love that binds us all.

I wish I can still laugh with them,
The people I’ve met along the way,
The differences we have are trivial
The small things shared are treasured.
I wish I can still face them and be true
With them, not a reminder of my pain
But to appreciate their presence all this time
“friends” -- we call them…
A blessing along the journey.

And I wish I can still love “me”
The me I often forget.
Maybe I have loved as I should
But lived as I shouldn’t.
I wish I can take care of this heart
And help it rest, help it heal
Empty it from hurt, that joy may enter it.
And I wish… and I wish
But more than wish I PRAY
To the LORD of Lords, and my King of kings,
Who has shown His love to me from the start till the end,
To let me know that in my weakness, He’s my Only strength,
In my ignorance, my Only wisdom
The learning how to move on, how to yield.
My wish and prayer of a year of letting go and letting God.
And to you, I say “thank you”…
For saying the same prayer with me.